Children and Divorce

Children and Divorce
"It's too easy to get divorced " hear sometimes . But almost all are separated because they have tried everything - and failed. It is the last , necessary resort.

Being separated - at least if you have children - is a painful process . It is chaotic in the beginning , whether you chose it yourself or not . Then it's hard to believe in a brighter. But if you are on the ground , it can only get better. It may be happy to end. Research shows that it is better for the children to the parents divorce than to live miserable together .



Considerations

Do not wait too long to tell the kids . The suspect , however, that something is wrong and it is better to know .

Tell children that you will be separated from each other , but not from them . Talk often with them that it is not their fault that you are separated .

Give children hope. Tell it like it is , it is a hassle . But tell that it will get better . But do not give kids false hope that mom and dad are moving in together again .

It's good for the children's sake , if the separation will not be too sudden. If possible , let the children stay in their familiar environment for a while. But do not stay there together .

Tell the children how the practical should be arranged as early and as precisely as possible . Assure them that even that which is not yet resolved will be resolved .

Do not pretend that you agree on the divorce if you are not. If you have been left , do not try to hide the children that you are sorry . But do not throw the blame on the other parent , or a new partner. If you have met a new , tell the kids, but the wait time to move in together.

It is not dangerous to mess front of the children , as long quarrels do not degenerate . If the parents never bothered to divorce easily become incomprehensible for children.

Make divorce clear. Let the kids join in and watch the new home and help pack and move . Divide things reasonably fair, the kids are just important.

The first time after separation , it may be difficult not to speak ill of the other parent. But then you have to avoid it. If you still do, explain afterwards why you said that you did

If you have the need to talk , do it with someone else rather than with your ex. But beware of the endless ältande , it can erode relationships with family and friends. Then it is better that you consult a professional. Writing diary , painting, working out, can also be great ways to process.

Do not mess by kids. Do not ask the children if the other party. Children must never be messengers between their parents. Do not baby your confidante.

Ask for help , for example, of family, relatives , friends, neighbors and children's friends' parents to take care of the kids sometimes . Both you and they may need a little plain, fun life in the difficult situation.

Encourage the child to talk to an outsider that it trusts. Preferably with someone who can give the child the hope that it gets better.

If the other behaves badly towards children , such as letting them down , explain without defending .

If the child has feelings of guilt against the other parent , help by listening and explaining how you look at it.


How to get help ?

If you have a need to talk to a pro , talk to family counseling , a family therapist or a psychologist. Family counseling or family law may be helpful to seek help even if you are absolutely sure that you want a divorce in order to make cooperation on the children better.

It is not unusual that the child has psychosomatic symptoms such as stomachaches , headaches or sleep disturbances when dad and mom separated . If you judge that the child needs help , please contact Child and Adolescent Psychiatry ( Child and Adolescent Psychiatry ) , BVC psychologist or school psychologist .