You are not selfish thinking about yourself.

You are not selfish thinking about yourself.
Often when you choose to think of yourself, people perceive it as selfish action. But what does it mean to be selfish? Perhaps we use this adjective wrongly and, most of all, in an unfair way? In this article we will reflect on this word, its consequences and how we can give ourselves the time without feeling guilty.



Being selfish means that you think about yourself 100% of the time, without regard to others
First and foremost: to understand what it means to be a selfish person, we need to take a look at the glossary. Selfishness is when a person has an excessive perception about himself, which causes him to disproportionately pay attention to his own interests compared to others.

We have all our own values ​​and beliefs that allow us to interpret the world and give it meaning. Here are our ideas. Therefore, it is not uncommon for people to apply the word "selfishness" based on their own experiences and how they perceive the outside world. In other words, each person has a personal way of interpreting what is selfish.

For some, it may be selfish to never do anything for someone else. Perhaps you think of someone who refused to do you a favor because they "did not have time" when, on the other hand, you are always there for them. In the first case, the definition may be correct. But in our more specific other cases it does not necessarily look as correct.

How do we feel when a person calls us selfish based on an interaction, without taking into account everything we have done for them? We feel confused and angry. We know it's unfair. Before we proceed, let's make one thing clear: if we did not do anything for someone when they asked us, it does not necessarily mean we are selfish.
We can not change how others look at the world
Here is a very common situation: one person asks us to do something for him and we can not give him what he needs when he asks us. Then that person calls us selfish, or at least hints about it.

Then we feel terrible not only because they made a negative assessment about us, but also because we are in an interest group where our interests have proven to be least important. Who acts selfish then? Who just thinks about themselves and not the rights we all have as human beings?

Here's a truth: we do not have enough resources to try and change the mentality of others, even less successful. That is to say, if someone interprets our actions as selfish without trying to understand our circumstances then we have to ask ourselves two questions:

Do we have empathy for their problems?
Even though we could not offer what the person wanted and when it wanted it, did we come up with an alternative?
If both answers are yes, always remember this fundamental right: reject a request without feeling guilty. In addition, it's good to remember that we make a big mistake when we judge others based on behavior and not their personality. For example, someone could say something spicy without being mean and falling without being clumsy.
An example of how you can think of yourself without being selfish
To understand this better, let's give you an example: Imagine you go up the same time every day for several weeks. You do everything you need to do. By the end of the day you have done all the work you should. Now, think that one day you sleep fifteen minutes extra. Imagine that for some reason you could not do everything you needed, and by the end of the day you still have things left to do.

Are you an irresponsible person? Do you lack self-discipline? No, you only had a bad day and could have acted in an odious way - just that day.

The fact that you acted like this does not define you as a person. If you acted like this you may not be that kind of person. The past is not always a good prediction for the present or the future.

We have to differentiate between acting and being. It's not the same to be an unfair person to act in an unfair way. Let's analyze behaviors and not humans.

Take advantage of the winds blowing to your advantage, but do not let the wind control
sad woman

Do you feel you do not have time for yourself? Do things sometimes come that takes all your attention and diverts you from reaching your goals? Are you giving too much of yourself to other people? Do you feel like you're a windmill controlled by the winds? You must learn to save time and space for yourself. Thinking of yourself.

To do this, we need to learn two skills that go hand in hand and are fundamental to our health and happiness: learn to say no and learn to do it without feeling guilty.

You have to work with the problem
This is, at least, a complex and nuanced subject. That is why we can not give a universal answer to how to do. We must simply emphasize the importance of working on this problem. If you are one of the people who have always been there for others and forgot yourself, then you should know these things:

Change is a process. Changing habits takes time, patience and effort. Usually, our habits are linked to each other and change involves modifying elements throughout the chain. To get a more polite attitude means, for example, that we change how we speak and when we are quiet.
People around us may not understand the change. If those who have become used to us are always saying yes, your first no may be a surprise. Perhaps they may even bark on you and say you became selfish. Here you want to make sure not to lose your own opinion about yourself. There will always be resistance when change, especially if this change affects someone else's comfort.
Always analyze the situation objectively. If the request is not urgent or not necessarily requires your presence. If you have empathy and understanding of the problem and have offered an option that is more compatible with your goals but still helps the other, then you have no reason to feel guilty.
Balance means you are not selfish
In short, you can think of yourself as non-selfish if you know how to maintain the balance. If you really work with this part of yourself instead of focusing on how selfishness is to be defined then you will find the balance between giving time to both yourself and others.

"Never allow yourself to become a victim. Accept the definitions of your life; define yourself. "
-Harvey Fierstein-
Look beyond your reflection in the mirror
Today I sat in front of the mirror to talk with my reflection, to accept that I'm not perfect, to love me for ...
Look beyond your reflection in the mirror
Today I sat in front of the mirror to talk with my reflection, to accept that I'm not perfect, to love me for who I am. To look beyond my reflection in the mirror for the first time and understand who I really are - a collection of all the experience I collected.

Today, I learned that life is reflected on the skin. Even though they say that the eyes are the mirror of the soul, they are also the door of hope. But sometimes it's hard to look in the mirror and look beyond its appearance, to see that we not only consist of flesh and blood, but also experiences, hopes and dreams.
Look beyond your reflection in the mirror
Wrinkles reflect anxiety around the eyes and laughter around the mouth. They reflect the words left unsightly as well as those whom we threw away and regretted later. They are part of us, some that show the world who we are. But they do not define, and therefore we have to look beyond their reflection in the mirror.

It may be difficult to look into your soul when you see you in the mirror. We tend to do this when we regret the past instead of looking at the future; when we cling to what we lost instead of appreciating what we received; should we try to make our own perfect porcelain, as if we are lifeless dolls without life experience.
Learn from the past
But we are more than the eye looks. We are our past, and it appears on our skin. The past shows where we came from, but does not strike where we are going. It is we who choose what our next step should be.

But it's important to keep in mind that one learns from the past without clinging to it. The past is part of which we are, but it does not define what we can be. It is the stones that form our foundation, but not what is inside.

Keep in mind that we are not just a reflection of the past, but also what we are struggling to be tomorrow. We must honor the past and learn from our mistakes, but do not let them decide every step we take.

If you choose to give up and let your past be yours now, you will only be a simple spectator of life, and you will stop living really.
The future is a reflection of what could be
To listen to my reflection, speaking without fear of the future I would like to see in the mirror, I understood that the desire to fight for what I really wanted is more valuable than the mistake I committed in the past. You must not always look at reality exactly as it is, but in line with what you can achieve if you do what you decide.

It takes time to build the future you want, but you will only do it if you are patient and do not give up, no matter how far your goals seem now.

It is a virtue to cure for adversities, a skill to learn from their mistakes and a sign of intelligence not to associate themselves with the stone that stumbled upon.

Today I sat in front of the mirror and spoke with my reflection, and I realized that I'm all I've survived, and I will be all I want to be.

It is in my hands to fight for my dreams and learn from my mistakes. In the end, our dreams are within reach if we get to know ourselves beyond the project we project; if we look beyond your reflection in the mirror. Nobody is perfect, but we are wise imperfect.